Common Worries of Mentors (FAQs)
New mentors often experience anxiety at the prospect of forging a relationship with a young person from a significantly
different background than their own. The following are among the most common questions that new mentors ask.
- What if we can't relate to each other?
Many new mentors worry that differences in age, race, and career interests will create barriers that make mentoring
ineffective. In actuality, most of our experienced mentors have found that differences often enhance the relationship. Having a mentor or protégé from a different cultural background can be an exciting learning experience where both the mentor and
student cultivate a better understanding of other people and cultures.
- What if my help isn't wanted?
It's not easy to trust a stranger, especially if you're a young person. It may take time for both of you to build trust and
confidence in each other and in the mentor-protégé relationship. Don't interpret caution or shyness as a rejection. A student
may not show it, but in all likelihood, he or she definitely wants your help. It's sometimes hard to measure the impact of
your efforts, and the payoff for your contributions may not be immediately evident. In fact, it might not be apparent to you or the student for quite some time. But sometime, somewhere down the line, your contributions will come to the surface.
Perhaps a student will remember some key advice you gave and make a good choice based on your former conversations. The time
you spend and the conversations you have with your protégé will have a lasting impact, but you may not always get to witness
the fruits of your labors. Because mentors can make a difference in years to come, you may not be able to gauge when and how
many times your words and caring will affect that student's choices and actions.
- What if something happens that I feel requires professional attention or follow-up?
Sometimes, though not often, a mentor may become aware of a student-related situation that requires professional attention.
Mentors should refer that information to the CAMS administrators or counselors. Mentors have an important role, but it does
not include drug or alcohol counseling, psychological therapy or family intervention. Support systems are in place within the school to deal with these issues. The most a mentor should do is to guide the student to the appropriate source of help and
inform CAMS staff of the situation.
- What if I have a job change or for some other reason I cannot mentor any longer?
Mentoring is a big commitment, particularly after you have successfully made it through the trust-building stages. Therefore,
separating a match is something you should handle carefully. Address the issue directly; do not let the relationship die of
neglect. If you have to leave the mentor program, please be honest with your student. Explain the reasons why you must
withdraw so that he or she does not feel at fault or abandoned. If it is feasible, and your student's parents agree, you
might want to consider remaining in touch via e-mail or phone.
- What if I do something wrong?
Keep in mind that although you are an extremely important influence on a young person, you are only one part of that
student's life experience. Mentors are there to help students reach their full potential, but you cannot control the outcome
of your mentorship. Young people will make mistakes, and you should not blame yourself for their mistakes.
If you are available and accessible to your protégé; if you listen without judging; if you respect your protégé's feelings and
thoughts, then you will not go wrong. While it's sometimes a slow process to build trust, if you are consistent and
trustworthy, then you are fulfilling your commitment as a mentor. Remember that it is your behavior that you should evaluate.
Do not base your
success as a mentor on your protégé's actions, but instead review your actions. Were you always caring? Did you maintain
consistent contact with your student? Did you listen? Did you offer positive suggestions? Did you support and encourage your
student? If you did these things, then you should feel successful, regardless of your student's response.
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